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Just Darts Since 2009
Click to relive the greatest Superbowl I’ve ever blogged about!
9:58 – It ends with a whimper. Everyone knew Grossman wouldn’t be the answer for the Bears, but I was surprised at the way the Colts were able to shut down the Bears’ running game. An average Superbowl. As far as the commercials went, far below average. I saw that the CBS morning show is going to replay the best of the commercials tomorrow morning. Too bad for them! The network is going to have to charge a lot less next year for a thirty second spot, because no one is going to miss a bathroom break after this pathetic showing.
I’m off to bed.
9:54- We were told an amateur-produced commercial would air after the two-minute warning. I guess it’s a credit to the people who made it that I couldn’t tell it apart from the professionals. The professionals, however, have been exposed as overpaid this Superbowl.
9:39 – Saw a commercial for “Hannibal Rising.” The book has bombed. Thomas Harris ruined the franchise with the ridiculous conclusion to “Hannibal.” (Much worse than the ending of the movie, if you haven’t read the book.) I’m sure the movie will do well, because movies are attended, in general, by teenagers and other idiots.
9:38 – The game looks to be over, and the commercials have been mediocre, so I’m at a loss as to what I should write about.
9:22 – Muhammad just had a good catch and run for the Bears. I didn’t like the fact that his name was Muhammad, but then I realized he’s probably a member of the Nation of Islam. They just want to kill white Americans, not all Americans, so good for him!
9:13 – Accura used Supertramp in a commercial! Good for them. It’s about time someone besides the Beatles and the Who sold out.
9:12 – Thank goodness for instant replay challenges! I made my dinner and tomorrow’s lunch and missed neither game nor commercials.
9:03 – Okay. It was less than twenty minutes. If my comments were ever entertaining, that is.
8:59 – Wow! Kevin Federline joins the ranks of Goulet and Hamilton! Also, a Bud Light commercial steals one of my best lines ever: “Hey, Mr. Neville. What’re you doing with that axe?” (Inside joke.)
8:56 – So far, the Emerald Nuts commercial with Robert Goulet is my favorite. Yes, the commercials have been that mediocre. Robert Goulet has a good gig. He’s kind of like that tan guy. You know. Hamilton. Is it George? Make a career portraying yourself as cheesy, and you’ll never lack for work. At least not in Hollywood.
8:54 – If you’re going to run into Adam Vinatieri, hurt him!
8:53 – I’ve switched to drinking water. In twenty or thirty minutes, my comments will be less entertaining.
8:50 – A 36 yard run by the Colts. Come on, Bears! Stiffen up! (I can say that to the Bears. I would never say it to the Vikings. It might be misconstrued.)
8:49 – Another commercial for 2 1/2 Men. Charlie Sheen is barely a dramatic actor. Comedy is harder, and he stinks. That’s it. I’m done with this topic.
8:48 – Careerbuilder.com. Second time I saw their’ commercial. Looks like monster.com. I guess that piggy-backing works. I’m not sure I’m in the market, but that’s for a later post.
8:46 – Sack, losing 11 yards. See? I’m watching the game. 1st sack. Hadn’t finished writing this before the second sack.
8:43 – Revlon commercial starring Sheryl Crow. Good song: “Not Fade Away.” Not her song, of course. When I see Sheryl Crow, I see the woman Lance Armstrong dumped his wife for. The woman who helped him survive cancer. Good thing I’m not a Revlon customer. I swear I’m not.
8:34 – This first Colt’s drive is looking good. As in most Superbowls, I didn’t really know who I wanted to win coming into the game. I had to wait until I saw the teams play, and feel in my gut which team’s success made me happy. I’m going for the Bears. Give me a team with a tough defense every time.
8:32 – Just so you can picture me, I’m sitting down on the couch, watching the game, and then dashing to my computer when I have anything to say. While I’m typing, I’m craning my neck to watch the television. I’m fully clothed.
8:31 – How am I managing to pay close attention to the game and the commercials and still post these insightful comments? Easy. I’m super-intelligent.
8:29 – These announcers are competent. That’s all. They’re not giving me, an average football fan, any insights into the game. Where’s John Madden when you need him?
8:26 – Hey! Weren’t Superbowl halftimes always a half-hour? Now I’ll have to make a sandwich during the game!
8:13 – I’m supposed to be making a sandwich. Today I’ve eaten a half a bag of white cheddar Cheetos. Or Cheeze Doodles, maybe. (Thanks, sis for turning me on to them!) Anyway, I forgot to eat. But this kind of thing is so much fun! Will someone please hook me up with a gig like Larry King has? (Or had, I don’t know if he’s still writing a “column.” This is so easy, just writing whatever comes into your head at any given time. It may not be readable, but who cares? I’ve got like four people who visit this site every day. (And I think three of them are the same brother!) Just stream of consciousness. No editor, either internal or external. (The glass of scotch I had, coupled with no food, helps subdue the superego, don’t you know.)
Let me try a Larry King kind of thing:
– I love my microwave, but sometimes I want to cool something down quickly. Let’s get scientists working on that.
– That blonde girl from ABBA is still one fine looking woman, let me tell you.
– I can’t watch TV shows like LOST, 24 or Prison Break. I’m afraid I’ll miss an episode. I’ll just watch them on DVD as they come out.
– I’m liking the Red Sox this year. They may not beat the Yankees, but they’ll be fun to watch.
– There are two kinds of commercials during the Superbowl. Ones that try to entertain you, and ones that try to make you aware of the products and/or services they advertise. The entertaining ones are almost always by companies that you’re already aware of. They’re not actually selling you anything, they’re trying to make you feel good about the brand. They companies that are going for brand awareness are taking advantage of the fact that this is the one sporting event where you’re more likely to go to the bathroom during the game than during the commercials. They are piggy-backing on the more well-known (and usually richer) companies to talk to a captive audience…. Okay, I lost the groove. Larry King wouldn’t have written that. This is harder than it looks!
8:11 – Okay, it’s Prince. I guess if you can’t please everybody (and you can’t) you should try to mildly annoy everybody. Is that a marketing idea? By annoying me, I actually am paying more attention than I did when Sir Paul was the halftime act.
8:06 – One more thing. Just saw a commercial showing NFL players working in the community, helping kids, etc. I’m sure many players really do all this, and it reflects very well on the league as a whole. Except for maybe the Vikings (sorry, bro, but their image can’t be helped that easily.) Why don’t the other professional sports leagues do this? Not the NHL, because frankly, who cares? But the NBA would certainly benefit, right? They’re thought of as a group of thugs and criminals, except for a few bright spots, whereas NFL players are thought of as upstanding men, with a few bad apples. MLB celebrates people like Roberto Clemente, as well they should, but how about somebody doing something for their community today? As I’m thinking about it, I believe that most NFL games broadcast have some kind of commercial for the United Way and what NFL players do to support it. It seems that (David?) Stern, the commissioner of the NBA, should do something like this. Or does he? I don’t really know, I can’t stand watching those criminals slam-dunking and showboating.
8:02 – Okay, halftime. Time to make a sandwich, and tomorrow’s lunch. No comments until the second half.
8:00 – Local commercials. Calhoun should concentrate more on coaching the Huskies than making commercials. DiGiorgi Roofing & Siding? Advertising on the Superbowl? Wow!
7:58 – Verdict on the first half: a close game, yes. An exciting game, okay. A good game? Nah. I blame the weather conditions more than the teams, but 6 turnovers in a half is not a good game. It’s like a baseball game with four homers for one team and five for the other.
7:56 – Adam Vinatieri missed! I’m indirectly a Patriots fan (via the Red Sox), so HAHAHA! (He’ll probably win the game for them at the end.)
7:52 – It just occurred to me that I lied last Tuesday to a good friend. I told him I was working during the Superbowl so I wouldn’t have to go to a Superbowl party. I guess the jig is up, now. I just like to watch the game without distractions! Sorry, Red.
7:46 – Commercial for movie caught my eye–Road Trip?–one good actor, (I think his name is William H. Macy, or something like that. The red-haired guy you see all the time), one okay actor, depending on the vehicle (John Travolta). One horrible actor–the cokehead guy, nee Tim Dick. And Martin Lawrence. And he’s not in drag. In a comedy. What is Hollywood thinking? The only way anyone will pay to see either Martin Lawrence or Eddie Murphy is if they’re in drag. Or a fat suit.
7:39 – Is GM (suicidal robot commercial) bragging that they will drive their employees to suicide in order to ensure quality for it’s customers? Have they been taken over by the Japanese?
7:37 – The commercial with the heart being attacked was paid for by a drug company, but didn’t mention the name of the drug. They were advertising a website run by the American Heart Association. Huh.
7:34 – If the Bears can’t defend the run better than this, they’re in trouble.
7:30 – Is pouring rain really a better weather condition for football than snow? Why don’t they rotate locations through the league?
— Everything posted below is “retro-live blogging,” all times estimated. —
7:16 – Apparently, 2 1/2 Men is the comedy with the highest ratings in America. I’m suddenly sad. No wonder Arrested Development never had a chance.
7:15 – First quarters commercials–nothing memorable. Liked the Coke send-up of Grand Theft Auto.
7:10 – They showed David Spade in the stands. My first thought was, “Hey, if you take away that chick’s fake moustache, she kind of looks like David Spade!”
6:58 – Did NOT like the Snickers commercial.
6:45 – I think rain helps the Bears.
6:40 – Got home, missed first TD.