Falling Awake

I came across this ad in Popular Mechanics—it’s a back issue but maybe the company’s still in business.  I know you’re using a hearing aid already, but maybe you could check this out.  It might stop your head noises.

And if—God forbid—you ever need an artificial limb, Buchstein’s Fibre Limb is “soothing to your stump.”

They just don’t write slogans like that anymore.

Cracked.com (yeah, I read “Cracked.”  What?) recently posted a list called 12 Website FAQs We Suspect Aren’t Asked That Frequently.

It includes this gem of a question from Aeroflot’s website:

Question:

Is it possible apropos of epidemic of the bird’s flu to transport shell parakeets by Aeroflot from Moscow to Kaliningrad? The parrots will be bought in Moscow. The reference for export is available; also, there is a sanction of the main veterinary of Kaliningrad. What documents are required else?

How oddly… specific.

I just took a SurveySpree survey, and got asked this question:

“Anglo?”  I’m not English, thanks.  I know, I know: “Anglo” is an informal term Hispanics use that means “not our kind.”  I also know that some no-class Whites have informal terms they use to designate others as “not our kind,” but fortunately those terms aren’t used in opinion polls.

This is completely beside the point, but now that I’m looking at this list I have no idea what I’d check if I were a Jew.  Are Jews “Anglos?”  They’re not Caucasians, are they?  Or are they?

Hey!  Are you guys Caucasians?  I really don’t know.  I never thought about it until I saw that “Anglo” there.  You’re not Anglo, though.  Right?

How come you don’t get a box?  Are there really more Indians than Jews in the US?  What if you don’t count “Ward Churchills” and “Indians-for-casino-purposes?”

Anyway, I cancelled my SurveySpree subscription.

UN web site hacked with anti-war post - Yahoo! News

Computer hackers posted an anti-war message on the U.N.’s official Web site, claiming that U.S. and Israeli policies in the Middle East were taking innocent lives, the United Nations said.

The hackers…left a message criticizing U.S. and Israeli policy in the Middle East and saying “Peace for ever No war.”

Apparently, the hack would have been discovered sooner had it not been so effectively camouflaged as an official UN policy statement.

Shots may help you lose that pot belly - Diet & Nutrition - MSNBC.com

Make mine a Rumplemintze!

UPDATE: Never mind.  Different kind of shots.

Press-Telegram - Oropeza: Neutering bill no-go

The pets of California can breathe a sigh of relief now.  A bill requiring that every dog and cat in the state be neutered has been defeated.

I’m only posting this because it reminds me of the late, lamented “Arrested Development.”

In one episode, Michael Bluth is talking to his sister, Lindsay Bluth (a dilettante environmentalist):

Lindsay: I’ve always been very passionate about nature. Perhaps you remember Neuterfest?

Michael: Oh, I’ll never forget your wedding.

Later, Michael needs her help in getting an enviro-nut out of a tree on a property he wants to clear for development:

Michael: Listen, after we get that lot cleared, we’re going to have enough money for you to neuter thousands of animals. You can make dogs and cats a complete thing of the past. No more dogs and cats.

(Lindsay smiles brightly.)

You can’t satirize Californians.  Well you can, but then they just take it as a challenge.

I had a cavity filled today–my first one ever!  (Now I’m not perfect.)

Anyway, I’m walking home from the dentist with a face full of novocaine, and I start thinking.

What if I start a fight?  My face is numb from the tip of my nose to the right corner of my mouth.  All my upper front teeth are deadened.  I could provoke someone into punching me in the mouth, then smile and spit a tooth back at him!

But then I thought: “I’ll bet the novocaine wouldn’t improve my punching ability.”  And without a good follow-up, that tooth-spitting gimmick would sort of fall flat.

Ah, well.

By the way, I know that in the headline I should have used the subjunctive: “I wish I were a tough guy.”

But tough guys don’t use the subjunctive.  Ever.

Posted without comment:

New Hampshire governor signs civil unions bill

“We in New Hampshire have had a long and proud tradition taking the lead in opposing discrimination,” Lynch said. “Today that tradition continues.”

Episcopal Bishop V. Gene Robinson was among those attending. Although his consecration in 2003 as the first openly gay bishop in the Episcopal Church divided the worldwide Anglican Communion to which it belongs, Robinson and his longtime partner plan to take advantage of civil unions.

Earthquake rattles NH Seacoast

New Hampshire’s Emergency Management Agency says a mild earthquake shook the state’s Seacoast area during the night. Many residents called police to report hearing explosions and authorities were trying to figure out just what happened.

“Some of the residents reported that the concussions almost knocked off pictures from their walls,” police said in a statement.

No source for the explosions was found after either series of calls.

From PeoplePC - News:

MADRID, Spain - Iran has pledged to end years of stonewalling and provide answers on past suspicious activities to the U.N. nuclear monitoring agency probing its atomic program.

The answers will be provided in two years’ time, at a press conference held in Tel Aviv.